Do you pamper your children in the right way? Yes, it may sound a little weird, but there is a fine line between pampering and spoiling. Children are our most precious gifts and we do everything for their happiness. But, sometimes our love and affection make us so blind that we end up setting some bad parenting examples. Child development specialist Tomson Nowamani recommends pampering as a prerequisite for the healthy growth of a child. But what does pampering mean to you? The answer can determine your child’s behaviour and future to a great extent. Because “When parents give their child too much attention and unnecessary gifts, that can be described as spoiling.”
As parents, we have the duty to provide our children with a secure and loving environment. Our unconditional and infinite love makes them feel loved, wanted and protected. They can spread their wings to the full extent under our care. But we should be extra cautious about the difference between pampering and over pampering.
Most importantly, we should not give in to all their desires and whims all the time. If we allow them to get access to everything they want, it spoils them. They start taking everything for granted. In addition to this, they behave impulsively in public when denied something. They remain unaware of the happiness and joy one can extract from small things in life. As a result, they grow up as ungrateful and insensitive human beings. They cannot appreciate the little efforts we make to see them happy and contented. Moreover, our overprotective behaviour does not boost up their self-confidence and helps them to grow as insensitive, dependent, ill-mannered and irresponsible human beings.
HOW PAMPERING OR BAD PARENTING AFFECTS A CHILD?
Children who are pampered excessively develop certain negative character traits.
1. BECOME AGGRESSIVE
To pamper, we often shower our children with various gifts and toys. By doing it, we initiate materialistic love in the children. Sometimes, we allow our children to do whatever they want to. We give them permission to watch television for a long time or play their favourite video games as we don’t want to upset our little ones. As a result, they become habituated to costly gifts or uncontrolled screen time. So whenever they are denied of all these, they start throwing tantrums. Even they don’t hesitate to misbehave in front of others.
2. LACK LIFE LESSONS
Responsibility, humbleness, gratitude, discipline – children grow up devoid of all these important life lessons when we over pamper them. As we make everything abundantly available for them, they can’t differentiate between needs and wants. In fact, they fail to understand the value of money and the importance of hard work. If we do not want them to face any trouble and do everything for them, they will fail to recognize the importance of hard work. They won’t learn to appreciate others. At the same time, they never step forward to put an effort in everything even for their own purpose.
3. DO NOT BECOME INDEPENDENT
When we pamper our children a lot, it works as an obstacle to make them independent and confident. Practically, pampering makes a child incapable of doing things by himself. It is a bad parenting sign if we can not see our children suffering or having trouble doing normal chores. If we do everything for them in the name of love, they will not learn the common survival skills. Consequently, they will grow as immature, incapable and dependent. They will lack the dedication to do something successfully.
4. DEVELOP NEGATIVE CHARACTER
Parents can instil selfishness in a child by pampering him too much. Giving him the lion’s share, always providing him with the best things irrespective of his needs are basically bad parenting examples. Children who get undivided attention always from their parents grow up as self-centred and selfish. Inevitably, they become callous, unsocial and indifferent to the people and environment around them. Sometimes, our love and support make them disobedient and stubborn also.
5. BECOME DISRESPECTFUL
Parents who do not realize what does pampering mean, become too lenient with their children. As a result, the children become disrespectful towards others as well as the parents. They also develop an aggressive and dominating attitude.
So as parents, we have the responsibility to maintain the balance between pampering and overpampering and create an atmosphere of positive discipline. We have to teach our kids the difference between needs and wants. We have to give them the freedom to explore the world on their own terms, support and guidance to unveil the realities of life. On the other hand, we should be careful of the fact that overindulgence or overprotectiveness can give them wrong signals.
Practically, children don’t require exquisite gifts or undue privileges to build a strong relationship with their parents. All we have to do is to spend more time with our little ones and give them a comfortable and loving environment. Nothing can replace the importance of family time in a child’s upbringing. To avoid bad parenting, we have to teach them the important lessons and values of life. We must teach them what is right and what is wrong by strictly practising them through our behaviours. To inculcate good discipline and habits, we must punish them in an age-appropriate manner for doing something bad. To build strong resilience in our children, we must avoid pampering. Consequently, they will grow up as capable of handling all the problems of life successfully.